I always wanted to be in a Satanic ceremony, what with all the chanting in Latin and robe-wearing and calling upon dark forces, shrouded in clouds of incense. It seemed so glamorous!

The only snag was that I suspected serious Satanists were going to be lacking a sense of humour and were probably into the whole group sex thing, which has never appealed to me at all, although I may be dead wrong with this assumption and be doing Satanists a great injustice – sorry, if that’s the case.

But I have no intention of working skyclad- far too many middle-class hang-ups.

I decided to host one of my own.

I put together a ceremony for Halloween 2022 and jazzed it up with some special effects as I didn’t think we’d be getting a visit from Old Scratch himself on the night somehow, due to our lack of real conviction and the date – his second busiest night of the year after Walpurgis Night.

I bought some special effects to project from AtmosFX Digital Decorations, and made my own monster using a genuinely terrifying Joggle Bopper toy kindly lent by a friend.

Click here to witness the terror.

They don’t even make the Joggle Boppers like this one any more – too scary. This one not only leaps and bounces around by itself, which it is in the nature of a Joggle Bopper to do, but loudly giggles and laughs as it bounces.

As this is disturbing, and very much in the area of Demonic Toys, they have discontinued the laughing option and replaced them with a harmless musical version.

This original JB was a perfect base for some wrinkled flesh-coloured tights, a couple of glass eyes and a lot of bloodstained toothpick teeth.

Click here to see the final monster. Nasty, eh?

I wrote the Incantation for the Summoning with deliberate care so that no ill intent or wrong action would be caused by it – although the myth perpetuated by the media that anyone who casually speaks an ancient incantation they find in an old book can summon supernatural forces is in fact not true.

Intent is everything, and this evening was purely for entertainment purposes. We did of course invest in a salt circle for protection.

Demon test footage here.

Guests were given the choice of Love, Riches or Power for the demon to provide to them, and I expect they will benefit greatly from this ceremony – not through the enslaving of a demon, but rather by Spoken Word Magic, which can work for anyone who is able to speak aloud and visualise what they wish for strongly enough.

Again, intent, and the power of your intent is everything.

Witness the full Demon Invocation Ceremony here.

I served three cocktails for the ceremony: Dead Flowers Margarita, Haunted 20th Century, and Goblins Ball.

If you want to make drinking a cocktail a more frightening experience, you may want to consider investing in a Screaming Skull straw. They are silent until you suck liquid through them – then watch out!

Watch the Screaming Skull Straw in action here.

Dead Flowers Margarita

1 shot tequila

2 shots violet liqueur

1 shot Triple Sec

1/2 shot frozen lime juice

1/4 shot rose syrup

Pour the ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth. By freezing the lime juice in advance, you create a very cold mixture without needing to add ice. You can make these in advance in a large batch then store the jug in the freezer until your guests arrive.

Haunted 20th Century

1 shot gin

1/2 shot white creme de cacao

1/2 shot Cocchi Americano or quinquina

Squeeze of lemon juice

The 20th Century is an established cocktail, which I have adapted to make Haunted by garnishing with a lychee in place of the standard lemon peel.

Shake the ingredients together in a chilled shaker with ice, then strain into glasses and haunt with a lychee on the rim.

Goblin’s Ball

Frozen orange juice ball

1/2 shot Pisang Ambon

Cava

This is very simple to serve and an alternative non-alcoholic version is very easy to make with half a shot of cucumber syrup and a botanical soda replacing the liqueur and Cava.

You freeze the balls in advance, pour the liqueur over the ball and top up with Cava.

I baked a couple of bread skulls to fill with baked Camembert to serve as nibbles – you can cheaply buy a silicone skull mould on eBay, and use an leavened bread dough (no yeast) to create a skull bread bowl.

IMPORTANT PLEASE READ

Summoned a demon and you need to get rid of it? Your best next step is this simple and effective chant of ad daemonem diminuendum (to diminish a demon):

“Shabriri

Briri

Riri

Iri

Ri

I!”